Do the right thing

 Life has a way of battering you down enough that you shut away parts of yourself and the mind has a way of coping with that loss by shutting off memory, burying memory so deep that without intervention you can't access them. 

By shutting away parts of yourself you leave yourself vulnerable, vulnerable to take on personas that are not inherent to you, so for me I shut away ambitions and likes and in validation of relationships. 

 I went down a path that didn't belong to me and spent too much time in jobs I didn't like whilst in the back of mind my past ambitions and interests would rear their heads but I would indulge a little then shut it down because I wanted to belong and be a part of. 

People have a way of pushing their beliefs on others in such a manipulative way that you don't realise what's happened until you’re out of it, they can make you believe that the way they do things is righteous for example getting into nursing because it's a ‘selfless job’ when actually it's for self as to why. You are in that job not because you love it it's because how you are perceived feeds your ego, the perception is you are selfless and caring empathetic, but you can be all those things and follow a different path. 

 And I think in this day and age what was has been flipped on its head and the older generations hate it but what I think they actually hate is the fact they have lived a life of questioning nothing and instead of being open minded and live a life that is outside the norm  they belittle what others are doing especially in terms of career the statement ‘real job’ reeks of unhappiness  and  envy because they don't make money through what they love and find happiness in they make money through fear and anxiety. 

I'm at an age now that makes me feel panicky because I have now spent time undoing false beliefs an I'm at the age where I really need to put my life into gear but I have to do it not based on fear and just go for it but that scares me but I have got to a place where I just cannot do the ‘norm’ I physically mentally and emotionally don't have it in me so I have to do the right thing.